After a hell week, actually more than a week of severely sleep deprived nights, more than 12 hours of daily study cramming sessions, oats for lunch....... finals finally ended. Any longer, i could have broken down from overwork, no kidding. That means, year 1 of my university life has come to an end, and it's simply unbelievable. 

Time flies, I can;t imagine how much faster the next 2 years are gonna be and I dont really wanna think much of it. 

"Every day it's getting closer
Going faster than a roller coaster."

My friends and I have been thinking about our future, A LOT, recently. Honestly it scares me. The uncertainty scares me. I have to decide what major to choose by the end of May 31 and I'm really procrastinating. Alex keeps saying that i am lying to myself about liking A and F, but am I? Do I always lie to myself, convince and force myself to do what is good for me instead of, what I truly want? I dont think so, although sometimes I do. I don't quite know why he thinks that Way, but I really am not lying to myself. I definitely believe that A and F will be a better choice for myself as compared to BBA general, and THAT is the path I want to take. 

The future scares me. What is going to happen after I graduate? When am I gonna get married? Who am I gonna get married to? Will he be the right one? HAHAH, yeah, been thinking just as much as these. Hey, I'm 20 now. In a blink of an eye, I'm gonna be 23, 25, 28 then 30. I'm still young, but old enough to decide what I want for my future. I feel that so many people around me already ave their goal in minds, and I feel so left behind. I cant keep relying on my mum. I need to break away. Starting to summer I will learn, and starting next sem I will try- to earn some money, to make my own decisions, to find a direction, to find a passion in life. 

I've also been thinking quite a bit on the love department. Seeing how like 99% of my sec/jc mates change their facebook profile pics to a couple pic, I cant help to think about why I am single in the whole of year 1. Is it hong kong u and the lack of native english speakers, or is it me? HAHAH I'm not looking for a guy or anything, because I DONT NEED A MAN! I really believe that love will come when I least expect it, and I am gonna leave it that way. Yeah, I really believe in fate. Lol.

About 2 years ago, you changed my life, and how I looked at love. Scars heal, but they remind; I can never forget. I dont think I can every sacrifice for anyone (boy) as much as I did before. It's unfair but I dont think I can trust any boy as much as I trusted you, which was a great mistake of my life. Now that I have learnt, I should thank you too. 

Meow meow, wish you came back earlier. 4 months have been long, another 4 feels kind of unbearable. I dont know what to do, but there's nothing much I can either. Miss you xx

I am sure Im not the only one who thinks this way. To have met you, I found gold. You know me better than I do, see through me that few or only my mum can, read my mind without me having to say anything. 

One day we will all go our own separate ways. Afraid I was but no longer is. People come and go. Now I realise, what is important is cherishing them when I can, remembering the good memories, and stay eternally grateful for the fate that brought them once into my life. 

You're such a special person, a rare gem. I will always be there for you, just like I know you will.

long time no update.

i guess sevral things had been going on, but no motivation to blog properly.

anw, it's finals week now. exams will end next sat. cant wait. that will be the stat of my 4.5 mnths summer hols. yeah babyyy

following that will be several days of slaking + packing. 18th off to phuket with the 4,3ers - muh. very exited about that. need to do beach shooping and maybe work out intensively for a few days before leaving bahah.

my more-or-less finalised summer plans:

phu-jkt-nepal-jkt-calif

Ill be going to kathmandu for 2 weeks, june 1 to june 25, for social work. it is definitely going to be a huge challenge considering how i will be going alone. i dont really know what i'm going to face so not much expectations but some form of hardship. followed by that, i have applied for UC berkeley summer schoolm section 6. this 6 week programme will definitely fulfill some of my wishes like studying in US, and berkeley, which I did not manage to get in (LOL). albeit summer school experience being different from the regular semesters, I am sure I will get a whole new experience out of it.

So many things to be settled:

1. book nepal ticket, get insurance

2. I10 form, us visa, us ticket, accomodation

Other things I look forward to doing in summer:

1. Meet up with puput

2. Going back to SG

3. Learnt o play an instrument, most prob guitar

4. Get double eyelids (bahaha considering)

5. Just spending tme with family

6. Learning about stocks and investments

7. Learn how to cook

8. Read

I seldom find comfort in being alone, but I hope my summer holiday will help me learn how to.

Silence is making my heart grow fonder. Wish you were back earlier. Till september, till then. 

xx Helena

I thank god for these few special people in my lives. 

The 4.3ers, especially Alex, Casey, Ozzy and Max. 

I don't know how Hong Kong will be without them.

Love you guys so much. 

I know you wont ever see this but cheer up sillydog, I know you havent had the best mood in weeks. Here for you, always. 

xx 

Helena

Listening to old rock, Scorpions and Sting. Suddenly miss my daddy so much. Once in a while, can't help to think how it'll be if he's still here. Can't wait to be reunited with you again dad. Been so long.